The power of saying NO / YES / MAYBE - and the courage it takes...

4/26/2014

Ok, so you are not interested. How about just say: "Thanks
- but no thanks". Believe me, it is more elegant to
say No Thanks, than to disappear after countless exchanges,
or a lame excuse, like "the ate my _ _ _ _ _".
We are all adults here (ok, that's a long shot). The
fact is that there's power in saying no. Where negativity
is an ongoing attitude, No is a moment of clear choice. It
announces, however indirectly, something affirmative
about you.


The No that is an affirmation of self implicitly acknowledges
personal responsibility. It says that while each of us
interacts with others, and respects, and values those
relationships, we do not and cannot allow ourselves always
to be influenced by them. The strength we draw from saying
No is that it underscores this hard truth of maturity: The
buck stops here.


Whether reasonably required ("I can't see you
today because I am leaving town tonight"), tactfully
couched ("Yours is the best banana bread ever, but
my doctor has me on a special diet") or firmly asserted
("Thank you for asking, but I am already committed
this weekend"), the receiver hears No. And feels
bad. And that is ok. But make no mistake. You are still delivering
a clear and powerful No, and the other person well understands
that.


This No, sweeter and softer, may go down better. No is best
deployed pleasantly with an air of Zen calm. (Tricky, because
you are likely feeling very far from it.) Outward calm helps
quiet your inner turmoil. What's more, it will reduce
the negative impact of your No on the brain of the receiver.


The jolt that No delivers is big enough without a tsunami
of anger and invective. Ok, if we have been communicating
you know I expect a YES (or even a maybe) - But instead of disappearing
and leaving me on limbo - please take courage in speaking
your mind - If you are not interested, save ourselves time and simply
say it... NO Thanks. I promise I will do the same. So we can
both move on.


No pun intended, there are "plenty of fish"
out there for all of us.