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Hypnotist at the Senior Center 3/1/2007
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center and the
Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles
around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced,
"Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people
up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each
and every member of the audience."
The ...
0 Comments, 89 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score |
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Frog! 3/1/2007
There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk, dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him.
He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute, and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving ...
1 Comments, 131 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score |
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Let's jake a look at lil' John. 3/1/2007
I have somewhat of a problem with , its not that I’ve always
had this problem. For a time I actually enjoyed , and
let it be known that I still enjoy 2pac and Kanye West, not
to mention Outlandish, Jurassic 5 and Dilated peoples…
Saying this however, the first thing I said when I burst
into this world was not
“Excuse me good doctor, would you mind letting me ...
0 Comments, 61 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score |
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Your guide to surviving the impending zombie holocaust 3/1/2007
So, we all know that we’re going to die, yeah, sad as it is
we’re going to be pushing up daisies (providing our feet
haven’t been nailed to the perch). Or are we?
I have come across recent evidence from a very reliable
source (O.K, so there wasn’t a source, I made it up… But aren’t
I reliable? No? Oh, O.K) informing me that soon there shalt
be an ...
0 Comments, 39 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score |
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chicken farmer and a lady 2/28/2007
chicken farmer and a lady
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman,
and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and
says, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne,
too!”
“What a coincidence, ” he said, “This is a special day for
me, I’m celebrating.”
“This is a special day for me, too, and ...
0 Comments, 147 Views,
11 Votes
,3.54 Score |
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Sex in the Dark 2/28/2007
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on
shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming,
romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked
down. and saw her ...
0 Comments, 176 Views,
13 Votes
,5.32 Score |
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Naughty couple on plane 2/28/2007
Two voices; male and female; seated on a plane
“I think everyone’s asleep; lets go”
Sound of steps.
“This one’s empty … no one’s looking … you go in first”
“It a bit cramped - let me sit down”
“Have you got the condom?
“Quick, put it on”
Sniff sniff
“Ah ...
0 Comments, 163 Views,
12 Votes
,4.21 Score |
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Ireland v England rugby 2/28/2007
A family of England rugby supporters head out one Saturday
shopping. While in JJB Sports, the picks up an Ireland
rugby shirt and says to his sister, "I've decided
I'm going to be a Ireland supporter and I would like
this shirt" The sister is outraged at this, promptly
whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to your
mother."
Off goes the little lad, with Ireland shirt in hand and ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score |
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Angelic revenge 2/28/2007
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female,
faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came
down from heaven.
“You’ve been such exemplary statues, ” he announced to
them, “That I’m going to give you a special gift. I’m going
to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you
can do anything you want.” And ...
0 Comments, 82 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score |
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Wife and Mistress 2/28/2007
A Catholic husband and wife were having dinner at a very
fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman
comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed
kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who was that?”
“Oh, ”replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.” ...
0 Comments, 119 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score |
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Charles and Camilla 2/28/2007
As Camilla was making last minute preparations to walk
down the aisle, she found that her shoes were missing. She was forced to borrow
her sister's, which were a bit on the small side. When
the day's festivities were finally over, Charles and Camilla retired to their room,
right next door to the Queen's and Prince Phillip's. As soon as Charles and Camilla were inside their room, Camilla
flopped ...
0 Comments, 88 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score |
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long but funny 2/28/2007
Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle. He doesn't have much
luck, until, one day, he comes across a beautiful Honda Gold Wing with a for
sale sign on it The bike seems even more beautiful than a new one, although
it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolutely mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it
in such great condition for 10 years. "Well, it's quite simple, ...
0 Comments, 83 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score |
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Naming Dogs! 2/27/2007
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired
two New dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde
responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was
named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming
dogs like that?" "HELLLOOOOOOO......, " answered the blonde.
"They're watch dogs!"
0 Comments, 191 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score |
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Vaccum in her head! 2/27/2007
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her
turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &
Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and
someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
0 Comments, 59 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score |
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At The Doctor's Office! 2/27/2007
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office
and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show
me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and
screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even
more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed
her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her
scream. The ...
0 Comments, 109 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score |
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RIVER WALK ! 2/27/2007
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river
and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!"
she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river
and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
0 Comments, 43 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score |
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Speeding Ticket! 2/27/2007
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her
very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your
act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and
then Today you expect me to show it to you!"
0 Comments, 55 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score |
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Car Trouble! 2/27/2007
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
0 Comments, 50 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score |
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Blonde LOGIC 2/27/2007
Two blondes living in Townsville were sitting on a bench
talking...... And one blonde says to the other, "Which
do you think is farther away..........Melbourne or the
moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo,
can you see Melbourne...?????"
0 Comments, 45 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score |
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Room 302 2/27/2007
Anyone who has ever had a loved one in the hospital will enjoy
this:
A woman called a local hospital . . . .
"Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives
information about patients. I'd like to find out if
a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting
worse."
The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's
name and room number?"
"Sarah Finkel, room ...
1 Comments, 77 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score |
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Concerned 2/27/2007
Today local police found a man's body in a park nearby.
They describe him as having a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls, Wrinkly
Ass and a Small Wiener.
Let me know you're OK.
Your Concerned Friend
0 Comments, 40 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score |
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Little Johnny's Big Story 2/27/2007
Little Johnny watched his Daddy's car pass by the school
playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed
the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Karen in an passionate embrace.
Little Jphnny found this so exciting that he could not contain
himself and he ran home and started to tell his mother.
"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's
car go into the woods with Aunt Karen. I went back ...
0 Comments, 933 Views,
33 Votes
,7.37 Score |
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3 samurai's 2/26/2007
3 samurai decide to see who's the greatest swordsman.A
judge approaches the 1st samurai and opens a box.A fly comes
out, which the warrior instantly cuts in half."Impressive, "the
judge says, before walking over to the 2nd samurai. When
the fly emerges from the second box, the 2nd samurai dices
the fly into equal parts."Incredible, "the
judge says. Finally, the judge opens a 3rd box in front of ...
1 Comments, 139 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score |
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short joke but FUNNY!!! 2/26/2007
Thought this was too funny to NOT share!
Know why a guy snores when they sleep on their backs??? Answer: because their balls fall down over their asshole
and they develope vaper lock.
1 Comments, 117 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score |
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Stiff Dick 2/25/2007
An Amish woman and her were riding in an old buggy
one cold blustery day. The said to her mother,
"My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them
between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."
So the did and her hands warmed up.
The next day the was riding with her boy friend
and he said "My hands are freezing cold." The
girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The ...
1 Comments, 121 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score |
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IRISH JOKE 2/25/2007
O'Ryan staggered home very late after another evening
with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife,
Mary. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading
to their up stairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught
himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed
heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket ...
0 Comments, 133 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score |
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WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE.I'M BROKE!! ....... 2/25/2007
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only
to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a
vacuum cleaner "Good morning, " said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I
would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered
vacuum cleaners"
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't
got any money!", "I'm broke!" and
she proceeded to close ...
1 Comments, 129 Views,
7 Votes
,6.10 Score |
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LESBONICS 2/25/2007
LESBONICS
1 . What do you call a pantry full of lesbians? .. A licker cabinet.
2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian? . A Klondyke.
3. What do you call 100 lesbians with guns? .... Militia Etheridge.
4. Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same
time? Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on
their face.
5. What do you call two lesbians in a ...
2 Comments, 95 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score |
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TV Guide 2/25/2007
Just to let you know what is on TV next week...
ARAB TV GUIDE > > > >SUNDAY: > > 0800 - My 33 Sons > > 0830 - Osama Knows Best > > 0900 - I Dream of Mohammed > > 0930 - Let's Mecca Deal > > 1000 - The Kabul Hillbillies > > > > > > MONDAY: > > 0800 - Husseinfeld > > 0900 - Mad About Everything > > 0930 - Monday Night Stoning > > 1000 - Win Bin Laden's Money > > 1030 - ...
2 Comments, 44 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score |
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CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS 2/25/2007
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his
wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls
and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were ...
1 Comments, 148 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score |