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A healthy dose of karma ....
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Posted:Oct 2, 2013 8:21 pm
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2017 12:24 pm
21075 Views
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A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and then he bailed out.
Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live,” and jumped out.
The lawyer then said, “I’m a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live.” He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The priest looked at the little boy and said, “My , I’ve lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.”
The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, “Not to worry, Father. The ‘smartest man in the world’ just took off with my back pack.”
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HALLELUJAH!!
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Posted:Sep 27, 2013 11:53 pm
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2013 6:53 pm
13740 Views
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A Preacher said: "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river".
And the congregation cried,"Amen!"
"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river".
And the congregation cried,"Amen!"
"And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river". Again the congregation cried,"Amen!"
The preacher sat down. The deacon then stood up& said: "For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing, 'We shall drink from that river".
THE CONGREGATION SCREAMED HALLELUJAH!!
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And that's when the fight started ...
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Posted:Sep 27, 2013 7:10 pm
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2013 7:13 pm
14239 Views
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I saw these today on the book of faces!!! I just had to share ....
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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
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I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
_____________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets
and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that
I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started...
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My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
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I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.
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One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.
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It's dumb ... but I had to!!!
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Posted:Sep 24, 2013 8:10 pm
Last Updated:Sep 25, 2013 6:56 pm
9746 Views
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A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
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Why can't I say
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Posted:Sep 21, 2013 12:47 am
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2017 12:31 pm
9988 Views
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Well people ... here's another post telling everyone what kind of a loser I really am!! I hate this shitty drama crap!!! It's a good thing I quit drinking years ago because right now I'd be on the mother of all benders!!!! She needs money again ... ya ... whodda thunk it!!! It seems her shitty loser (ya ... maybe a bigger loser than me!!!) of an ex bounced his support to her!! Which means bills for all the utilities, mortgage, medical expenses, not to mention food, fall on the next IDIOT in line(you guessed it ... ME), until "she gets reimbursed" ... like that's ever going to happen ... Not bad for some "Friendzoned" asshole eh???
I haven't told her I would pay yet but she knows I won't let the starve either. Isn't life just wonderful???
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To link to this blog (castomper) use [blog castomper] in your messages.
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) with the window open. A group of teenagers where hanging out in front of the store. When they heard "Easy Living" they started "bopping" around. I got out of my car a couple of them asked me to leave the music playing while I was in the store so I left the window partially open locked the car and took my remote for the doors and went into the store. When I came out the whole group was gathered around the car intently listening to Uriah Heep. I know!!!! ... I was surprised as hell ... 15 and 16 year-olds actually enjoying 40 year-old music!!!
They asked me what this music was and where they could download it!!!
Sometime the these days really surprise the the hell out of me!!!!
