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| Blogs > storkjwr18 > The Stork's Blog |
Where things stand today
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Where things stand today I don't know where this road Is going to lead All I know is where we've been And what we've been through If we get to see tomorrow I hope it's worth all the wait It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday... I going to start this one by saying it has been an interesting past two weeks, year, and almost two even. So I think I will start at the beginning way back in August of 2004. I was attending my second year of Lorain County Community College when I met this skinny, tall, long dark haired girl. Fresh out of high school and ten my junior. We became friends over the course of that semester. Spent many hours sitting and talking, or circling the hallways talking. Mostly about life, and her then boyfriend issues. We became great friends. I seen her marry said boyfriend (who was a real ass), move to Texas and then Louisiana following him in the military. We talked, texted, myspaced lol and I was sad watching my friends marriage deteriorate quickly. By the end of 2005 she was going through a divorce which was finalized in the middle of January 2006 (I thought it had ended earlier at the time  ).We spent New together as friends, nothing happen besides a good time at a party. We started dating that month, got pregnant in June/July and married in October 2006. Had our first in March 2007. Rocky start to our marriage. We both worked. Opposite shifts. I ended working two jobs, had trouble making ends meet with my , and our . Plus my childs mother decided to pop back in the picture. There was court, allegations, and an eventual loss of custody to my oldest. During this time we had another in January of 2009. We almost split with all the turmoil and things going on in our lives. Somehow we persevered, and things worked out. We decided the were better served with her not working. It was a struggle, but we made sacrifices and things always worked out. Maybe not exactly on time, but within reason. Two more sons were born, in February 2012 and August 2014, book ending a miscarriage which hit us very hard. Through this time there was a lot of sacrifices made, growing together, and just a shared plan for a long future with a great family. With all the headaches and hardships there was general joy and fun (or so I always thought). We decided that we finally were seeing a little relief and did not want any more for awhile. So she got the Nexplanon birth control insert in her arm. What a huge mistake it turned out to be. She started having side effects. At first it was just extra moods that were off, but she did not want to talk about them. Then came the intrusive thoughts. She had terrible terrible thoughts in her head of harming certain people. She started seeing a psychologists, having therapy, had the Nexplanon removed but it was too late. It all came to head when one morning before she left for therapy I felt something wrong. I kept asking her, to no avail. Then right before she walked out the door, she asked me to take her there. What happened next will forever have changed our life. I agreed, packed the boys up and we started down the road. While driving she let me know that the thoughts were so bad, she was going to end her life. She wanted to end it all instead of potentially doing anything that was in her head. I took her to the hospital where she was admitted immediately. She spent a week in the hospital waiting for a bed in a different facility. She spent another week in that facility, being given different drugs, talking to counselors, trying to "fix" the issue. From there she was sent to another facility for about 4 weeks. There they determined she needed medication for anxiety and regulation. Plus they wanted to "reboot" her brain. So she did electroshock treatments while there. While she was going through all this I was at home with the boys. 6 weeks off of work, with no one giving me answers. Some nights I would talk with her and things seemed ok, and others it seemed hopeless. For all the other things we/I had been through this was the worse by far. I prayed that my love would come back to us. I reached out to all the faithbased people I knew for the same. I was lost, but had to keep it together for the boys sake. She finally got "better" and was released. For months she was still quiet, and seemingly just trying to find her way back to some semblence of a "normal" life. We talked (as we always have) and it came out that she had been repressing her attraction to women. (Strict Christian upbringing) So we opened the marriage up so she could explore this. This led to opening the marriage up period. Which led to a polyamourous lifestyle. All of the things that eventually brought me here to this site. She was out living her life, and I was struggling with having a life of my own. Anyway our marriage recently ended. She informed me that she no longer believes in marriage, and has realized she is gay. Me being a man obviously is no longer desirable or wanted. Which has been what I have been dealing with the past couple of weeks. Currently we are attempting to cohabitate, to co-parent the boys easier. We are still great friends, so much history and knowledge between us, plus we have been pretty much each others best friend for well over a decade. That being said, she has her life and I mine. It hurt and I appreciate those I have talked with about it. I felt it was time to put it down in writing, and move on to the next chapter. Thank you my friends for listening, and to you as well random blog reader  I hope you have a great day... |
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9/4/2018 9:15 am |
Thanks for taking the time to read...
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Good morning my friend and I am so sorry your going through this, you know that birth control device Nexplanon can cause terrible side effects and she should contact the lawyer that's handling cases on that as it sounds like where her problems truly started from. I am glad to hear your both cohabitating and raising your sons as it's important for both of you to be a part of their lives. I do hope things work out for you either with her ( as she sounds like the love of your life ) or with someone new who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.. Thank you for sharing your story with us as I knew something was going on with you but didn't know what..  Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on.. 
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That sounds like quite the journey. It would appear though, that you are handling it, as well as could be expected. I think your plan on the kids is a good one, if you two can stay friends. I think the idea of putting it down in writing, then moving on to the next chapter is not only healthy, but shows some wisdom that not all possess. Hats off to you, and good luck. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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9/4/2018 11:40 am |
Good morning my friend and I am so sorry your going through this, you know that birth control device Nexplanon can cause terrible side effects and she should contact the lawyer that's handling cases on that as it sounds like where her problems truly started from. I am glad to hear your both cohabitating and raising your sons as it's important for both of you to be a part of their lives. I do hope things work out for you either with her ( as she sounds like the love of your life ) or with someone new who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.. Thank you for sharing your story with us as I knew something was going on with you but didn't know what.. Regardless of anything else the boys are always a primary concern for me. You hit the nail on the head, but only time will tell. As always I appreciate your kind my friend.
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9/4/2018 11:48 am |
That sounds like quite the journey. It would appear though, that you are handling it, as well as could be expected. I think your plan on the kids is a good one, if you two can stay friends. I think the idea of putting it down in writing, then moving on to the next chapter is not only healthy, but shows some wisdom that not all possess. Hats off to you, and good luck.
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9/6/2018 11:45 am |
I appreciate you input, and honestly I have had those very thoughts about her. No I do not know if this is a phase, nor do I know how stable she is. What I do know is the marriage has ended, and in that aspect there is no turning back. I can only move forward. Maybe someday she will change her mind. Maybe someday she will regret her actions this past couple of years. That I do not know. What I do is that her and I are over, and I have elected to move on with my life as opposed to wait until it is too late for me. thank you again for your input, I do appreciate it.
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