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Suggestions for men on this site ISO females - esp. attached men  

rm_Luv_PPPL 65M
37 posts
7/10/2006 9:41 am

Last Read:
8/30/2010 9:17 pm

Suggestions for men on this site ISO females - esp. attached men


ADVICE FOR MEN (ESP. ATTACHED MEN) WHO ARE LOOKING FOR WOMEN

It's easy to get discouraged on this site if you're a man ... I've met several good steady lovers over the years, but it's not unusual for me to wait many months for the next person after a breakup. I don't take it personally (and neither should you!).

Caveats: this text is full of generalizations which are based on my own experience. If you're female and unhappy that many of them don't apply to you, then I'm sorry about that - but I also can't help it In my defense, let me simply say that this is directed towards an average man who's interested in gaining the attentions and affections of an average woman. If you've got enough energy and interest to read this (instead of just passively monitoring your email box), then you probably aren't the average woman!

(By the way, Friend Finder recently installed some rather bizzare software that deals with "banned words". As a result, I've been forced to do some not-very-literate things with numbers in this blog/post.)

Last, but not least: this is a long blog/post, but it's long for a reason. If you're a man on this site who's looking for a woman, then you'd better either be a 6' 4" single Ivy league college student, a plastic surgeon, or someone who is genuinely interested in spending several hundred dollars and several hundred hours over a period of many months.

For most of us "mortal" males, success on this site requires time, cash, luck, dilligence, reflection, and determination. This is no place for the faint of heart. Buck up, soldier. HOO-RAH!!

PART I: the overwhelming odds against men on this site, and the basic passivity of women on this site

a) What are the true odds?

For a sobering "reality check," do the following: click on the browse link and take a look at the ratios.

Among registered members, there are approximately 10 times as many men looking for women as there are women looking for men. Among active members, this could be more like 25-1 (that's my theory). And if you're an attached guy, your odds are more like a 100-1. If a woman will consider an attached man, either she's primarily looking for on-line attention, or she'll be snapped up in a nanosecond.

If you're single, your ratio is probably more like 5-1, which is still not necessarily all that favorable. You might do better on a singles site. (But you have a chance here.)

Most women on the site get hundreds - if not thousands - of profile views every month. (A woman without a photo will typically get hundreds. A woman with a photo will often get thousands.)

Most men on the site with photos get a few dozen profile views every year. It's just how it works: the site is designed to encourage women to be passive, and men to be active.

The site screams "SEX!!" to get paying male members, but this reduces the number of female members. The marketing approach is to promise sex to men, thus encouraging men to pay - for the privilege of chasing a tiny pool of women. It's obviously an effective strategy.

Incidently ... it's a bad idea to become discouraged because a woman with an attractive photo tells you that she's had a thousand views in the last week. Many women assume that they are getting all those views because they're soo desireable. Unless a woman has been on the site for a while, she won't realize how it works. And many will complain to high heaven that they receive 'dick pix' from gobs of men, not realizing that you've haven't gotten a single unsolicited email for months.

Your job is to always be empathetic about this, and never show a speck of weakness. The fact that hardly any women ever view your profile is irrelevant, and shouldn't ever be mentioned. (Below, I'll have more to say about this point about NEVER displaying weakness or "baggage".)

Why am I telling you all this? Very few women understand what your situation is like. And unless/until you realize that they have a completely different experience here, you won't be able to deal with them effectively.

b) Geography and attachment status

As many people have said before: geography counts for a lot. If you live in a region of the country in which there are 10 thousand active male members and 400 active female members, then your chances of success are going to be much greater than they will be ... if those numbers are reduced by a factor of 10 or a hundred.

Or to put it another way, I'd rather be one of a million men chasing 40 thousand woman, than among a hundred men trying to get the attention of 4 women.

Also, being single doubles or trebles your chances. Most women on this site are now looking for traditional boyfriend/girlfriend situations - which makes sense, if you consider that their odds might be better here than on most singles sites.

c) Membership categories and standard contacts - what they mean

Standard members usually can't view other members' profiles (which also means that they can't send winks or friends list invitations, or emails).

Rumor has it that if you put a standard member on your hot list, then they can view your profile. I'm not so sure this is true. Standard members can also view others' profiles if they have enough "popularity points" ... which means they've received a certain number of views during the last few days.

However, since most women join as standard members and remain as standard members, they quickly get used to the fact that they receive email without making any effort to reach out to men.

For all practical purposes: as a man, you should assume that a woman will not view your profile ... although you should also be sure that it creates a good impression, just in case!

And no matter what, a standard member cannot see full-sized profile photos of other members, nor can a standard member see chat handles (e.g. yah00) of other members.

Although premium (gold/silver) members can view others' profiles, standard members can only view premium members' profiles if the premium member either has "standard contacts," or the standard member has enough "popularity points."

Some men will actually put "standard members can contact me!" in their introduction titles. I'm not sure how much good that does.

My own view is that "standard contacts" only make sense for men who run interest groups, or who do a lot of blogging. And neither of those activities are enough to overcome the intrinsic passivity of most women. As I keep saying: nearly all women just wait for men to come to them.

PART II: Psychology

a) Psychology - what you're looking for, and what does she (think) she wants?

Most guys on this site are looking for "no strings" sex, or a "friend with benefits." After all, if you guys were interested in an LTR, there are singles sites on the 'net where women outnumber men, and where women actually pay to join. This site is the exact opposite.

Nevertheless any woman who simply wants sex on this site (and who says so) will be overwhelmed with emails! It's just how the ratios play out.

More importantly: women have a hard time admitting that they're only looking for sex. You're dealing with decades of "nice girl" brainwashing. And I've known more than a few who seem to believe that they can leverage a sexual relationship into something more. (And they may be right.)

Ever heard the old adage that women trade physical for emotional intimacy, and that men trade emotional intimacy for physical intimacy?

No matter what you're looking for, you do need to stress that you're willing to spend time with a woman - whether that's in the form of 'dating' or just being a real friend, it's the same thing. Unless you're incredibly rich, and/or good-looking, very few women are going to want anonymous sex with you.

b) Psychology - humor and confidence (but no ego)

Find me a woman who says that she doesn't want a "sense of humor," and I'll swallow my monitor WHOLE. (Well, not really.)

Seriously, this is at least as common as "quiet nights at home" and "long walks on the beach." So you need to make it clear in your profile that you don't take yourself seriously. Some jokes at your own expense, some smileys ... these things go a long ways indeed!

Confidence is equally important. As a fan of Gary Larson's "The Far Side" ... let me remind you of a cartoon in which a is shown holding up what looks like a microphone, in the direction of a mail carrier.

The device is attached to a box, labelled Fear-O-Meter.

While some may be offended by this analogy, the point should be clear. Any man who expresses a lack of confidence in himself isn't going to do well on this site.

Yes, I realize that women are often stereotyped as "caretakers". But I don't believe that works well here.

We can get into some lengthy discussions about the contexts in which women tend to "take care" of men ... in my opinion, a man who presents himself as someone who needs caretaking is just not likely to get what he wants. Never show weakness, never display any form of "baggage".

At the same time, ego and a domineering nature are bad, too. If your profile contains any orders, then you're going to be a loser.

Think of it like landing a jet on an aircraft carrier, at night. (What straight man hasn't considered the difficulties there?)

You must "fly" within an extremely narrow margin, between too much confidence, and too little. Nobody ever said it was easy. Remember, you stand in a line with 40 other men, vying for the attention of a female. (Or more precisely, you're one of the 96% of active males on this site who are competing for the 4% active females.)

But remember my earlier point about ratios. If you can't land that jet on the aircraft carrier at night, there will probably be someone else who can. So it's time for the tough to get going - start thinking, and stop griping

c) Psychology - "A safe harbor!"

Women actively search for men who have proven themselves in prior relationships. There are many consequences of this basic point, but let me describe a couple important items.

First, women generally tend to place themselves in the position of other females. A wonderful (but now deceased) female friend of mine many years ago used to talk about "the great male club". What she meant by that statement is that males are extremely good at bonding, and defending each other "no matter what".

News flash: this behavior has been emulated by females in the modern era. Whether women are as good at "standing by their sisters" as men are at "standing by their brothers" ... well, that's another question.

But it's a sure bet that any guy who says something negative about any woman in his life is going to be rejected, out of hand on this site, by any woman who doesn't already know him!

Second, what women tend to search for from males is protection, and this might be true even if they're looking for "no strings".

So if you can get a photo of yourself in a "protective" position with someone who is completely unrecognizeable from the photo, that will get you a lot of points. (Babies work well, but you must "black out" all their body parts. Not even feet can show.)

Fond mention of your (grand-), etc. in your profile will also win you points.

It's usually a terrible idea to have a profile photo that shows you in an intimate situation with another woman. Most women will simply view her as a "competitor."

d) Psycology - "Liar, liar ... pants on fire!"

Women are sticklers for the truth. And it had better be the EXACT truth!

I once made the mistake of mentioning my numerical age in the text of my profile. Since my profile hadn't been changed in a year, the text said I was 43, when the site listed me as 44. I can only wonder how many women immediately dismissed me because of this incredibly minor difference. (If you're an employer looking through a stack of a thousand resumes, then tossing out one with a slight printer smudge isn't such a bad way to reduce the size of the pile!)

I wasn't even aware of this until someone graciously pointed it out to me, and said "Well, I thought you were just another one of those liars." (Where's the incentive to fib about being 43 instead of 44? *sigh*)

As with most things in this realm, we aren't talking rationality - but rather about a series of conditioned sensitivities. Women actively look for ways to catch men in lies, perhaps because many of them have either been on the giving or receiving end of these before.

For this reason, it's critical that you fill out every one of the questions in the profile. Leave something empty, and a woman may assume that you're trying to hide something.

e) Psychology subtleties - "little things", "fatalism", and "all about me"

Most women are socialized to believe that they aren't "in control". This leads to a point of view that emphasizes "fate". In other words, they believe that "things happen for a reason."

This stands in sharp contrast to the classical male view, which is: "Things happen because I might've been lucky and/or worked my tail off!" (LO

By the same token, most women do tend to prefer to meet a guy who wants to get to know them, and talk about them - instead of himself. That might make sense, to the extent that "attentiveness" in conversation, may translate to attentiveness in other areas. And keep in mind that most women with fathers are "Daddy's girls" (as it were). Those who have been on the site for a while can often be used to being "spoiled".

It's not clear how you might incorporate these points into the first half of your profile. (This is the only part that will be attached when you send out an email, and check the box to attach your profile.)

But it should be evident how crucial these items are, once you've established contact!

f) Psychology: saving the best for last - About sex (eroticism) ... and the importance of "teasing"

The trick here is balance. No woman on this site wants to meet a man who's afraid or uncertain about sex. "Mr. Rogers" isn't the preferred archetype. After all, women are socialized to believe that the man should be the "leader" in bed, but at the same time, they're also socialized to be "nice girls."

Nevertheless, women are also used to feeling like (and being addressed as) "blow up dolls". So we're back to the problem of "landing on an aircraft carrier at night." You have to discuss eroticism in your profile, but do your best not to call excessive attention to it!

The same goes with your photos: I often hear women say that they "don't mind" the equipment pix, but let's face it - you can't lose much by putting those in your friends' network albums for those who wish to see them ... but you can lose an awful lot by including them in your principal profile photos!

A good compromise is to have a "chest/face" picture. Another cute trick is to have a "butt shot" that shows your face (looking at the camera, from the side).

And finally: if you do make a contact, it's always better to err on the side of trying to get to know a woman as a person, as opposed to pushing the erotic aspects too quickly!

There's no "magic formula" here, but due to the extreme male/female ratios, as well as the contradictions which arise from the way in which women are socialized, you have to think carefully about your approach.

Women love to be "teased". They like hints, and subtlety. To them, that means you're going to take your time, in bed. Don't brag about your abilities ... but hint about how much you enjoy being with a woman. Few men can be subtle enough for a woman. And the more delicate you are, the more she may be inclined to drip ... er, drool

PART III: Sending emails, and your profile

Assuming that you've worked on your profile, your photos, and your approach in the best possible way ... what else can you do?

a) Don't make assumptions about her familiarity with you - she has a full email box full of "dick pix"

Don't assume that women read your profile or pay the slightest bit of attention to you, no matter what you do. I can't emphasize this enough: as a man, you must assume that you're always going to be overlooked, rather than being "looked over" - yet you must never act as if you know this, SOLDIER! (Apologies to Mae West.)

So you have to approach each woman with the understanding that she has no clue who you are, and is basically annoyed with the fact that you're filling her email box with "spam". You're worth no more than a commercial advertiser, as far as she's concerned. (How often do you read your "junk mail" ?)

Your job is to get her attention ... even though she's already annoyed by men on this site, in general.

b) Make sure that the first part of your profile includes everything that you wish to say

Friend Finder sends only the first part - 'Introduction text' - portion of your profile out, when you click on the box to include your profile in an email. Most of the women you email will never see the second half, because they probably won't bother to view your profile.

In my view, the best approach is to interleave, i.e. to mix statements about yourself with comments about what you might be looking for. The first half of your profile should definitely be "intriguing" but also not "too short". (Better if it's just a bit too long than a tad too short.) And do keep in mind all the points I made above, regarding psychology.

Remember, women tend not to view profiles, they wait for the men to come to them ... so she will probably never see the second half of your profile, or anything else that's not in your email!

c) Send out a lot of emails, don't expect many responses, and be sure to read her profile

Sure women don't pay any attention to men on this site or their profiles ... but that won't excuse you for not reading her profile extremely carefully, and sending her a witty email that incorporates some aspect of what she said! Remember, she gets dozens of emails every week (at least), most of which are 1-liner "can I **ck you" emails, with 'dick pix'. (Note: this can be a serious challenge, because many women don't feel the need to worry too much about writing profiles. Nor would you, if there were 25 active women on the site for every man.)

And if she has a nice photo, she might get dozens every day. I know gals who've gotten hundreds of emails a day! (Breast shots are known to produce such reflexive results.)

As a general rule, a man has to send out about 20 emails for each response.

Most of those responses aren't serious. So you have to assume that only 1 in 10 replies you get are from women who are interested in you. The rest are just because you tickled her fancy, and she just felt like responding, or maybe she was just feeling horny, or in need of attention that night. This means you have to send out several hundred emails before you get a coffee date. Sorry, but that's the way it is.

Remember, her email box is full of "dick pix" and 1-liner responses. And she probably isn't really sure about what she wants, anyway. (It's not her job to know what she wants, or to ask for it. She'll "know it when she sees it." Your job is to guess right.) All she knows is that she's getting tons of email and isn't sure what to do about that.

So success normally takes months of perseverence. Sometimes years. As I keep saying, you gotta be in this for the long haul.

Send out 10 or 20 emails a week for at least 6 months or so, and let me say again: no matter how good your emails are, and how excellent your photos and the first half of your profile is - only 1 woman in 10 who replies is actually serious about getting to know you.

This is true for reasons that aren't your fault, and which have nothing to do with you!

d) Make sure you have a premium membership, all the popular chat programs, a microphone, a cam, and Confirm ID.

Yes, we're talking some money here. But if you're a "camper" and you really want to get from here to there, then there's no substitute for all but standard contacts. (These are debateable, for reasons I mentioned before - namely: since virtually all women on the site behave in a completely passive way, they probably won't write to you even if you let them know that they can.)

If you have Confirm ID, be sure to mention it in the first half of your profile.

Remember, "safe" is the most important word that you can use when speaking to a woman. (About a third of women will be victims of abuse or violence over the course of their lives. And this isn't the same as being beaten up by the bully in the playground. Women have a lot of worries about physical/sexual violence, so it's critical that they have the greatest possible assurances in this arena!)

As a rule, women tend not to be terribly confident with computers. In my experience, they're often scared about the possibility that some of the obnoxious men on the site will "crawl through their monitor". I'm not sure if this fear is rational, but there are a lot of obnoxious men on the site!

Beyond that, if you want to convince a woman to chat with you on any of a number of popular chat programs, then you can't be surprised if she rejects you out of hand, on the grounds that she doesn't understand how they work ... and/or because she's frightened. I can't say this enough: Computers are often intimidating to most women, and they tend to be extremely timid when using them.

Incredible amounts of patience are often required, for that first chat.

You have to know what you're talking about, and gradually persuade her that she can 'safely' use a computer. The credits you accumulate during this endeavor will be useful, when/if you negotiate a lunch/coffee date!

Don't forget to mention your chat handles in your emails!

If you remain on-line, she may 'risk' contacting you, if she sees you on-line. Remember, she's scared. Because you're a man, and she's taking the initiative by contacting you (no matter how many emails you've written, in which you invite her to do so).

Finally: don't expect a woman to make an "appointment" with you, on-line. Women don't do that, because they never know what kind of a "mood" they'll be in. (Their own state of mind is simply another matter of "fate.")

If you're there when she is, she might initiate contact. That's all you can hope for.

e) Watch your cupid settings - they shouldn't exclude her!

In the unlikely event that a woman does view your profile, she'll probably be immediately turned off if she sees any red X's in the compatibility area. Remember, the slightest problem with a man will cool her enthusiasm, since she probably has so many choices.

Think of her like a prospective employer, who's confronted with a stack of resumes. She's looking for some way to make the pile smaller!

So be sure that your cupid settings are designed to exclude nobody, unless you're genuinely uninterested in them!.

f) Answer all the questions!

Remember what I said above about liars? (In the 'psychology' section.)

If you have anything in your profile that says prefer not to say, and she happens to read it, then you run the risk of being immediately written-off as a liar.

g) Put her on your 'hot' list, send her a wink, and send her a 'friends' list' invidation.

These are all good ways to attract attention! She may get a separate email about one or more of them, and she'll know you're interested.

She'll be flattered!

By the way, don't be surprised or offended if she doesn't accept your friends' list invitation. Either she doesn't know how to do it, or she's afraid of what other men will think.

h) Don't forget those face pictures in your email!

Women are tend to be interested in eyes. Make sure your email includes a face photo, with eyes. DO NOT include an 'equipment' photo in your email!

Let me emphasize that she probably will never view your profile, because she's a standard member, and may not even realize that she can! Besides, she can't possibly be bothered to view the profiles of every email she gets.

So all she's ever going to know about you consists of: the email you send; the photos you attach; and the first half of your profile (be sure to attach it!).

i) If you're going to participate in blogs, and/or the magazine, and/or interest groups, make sure your main profile pic looks good!

Preferably, it should show your eyes. But if not, consider showing some part of yourself other than your 'equipment.' Also, a splash of color may be helpful. And don't forget, she's probably a standard member, so she'll never be able to see more than the small-sized version of it (unless she bothers to read your email.)

PART IV: Let's get serious (in sum)

Okay, so now you realize that you'll have to write 20 emails for every reply, and probably hundreds to get a coffee date. You understand that women are completely passive, and are here to get "just the right email" from a guy who has read her profile, and says something that's sooo witty and interesting, that she just can't help but reply, because she's in that kind of a mood at the moment.

You know she's terrified of computers, has no clue how to work the chat programs, but is POTENTIALLY interested in someone who can teach her. As long as she's SAFE. But she can't often figure out who that is, since there are 25 active men on this site for every woman, and sometimes she gets so tired of email that she simply deletes them all, and moves on ... knowing that she'll get another zillion emails by the next day.

At some point, if you persist, do your homework, and never display either weakness nor baggage, you may be selected for attention. (Keep that image of landing the jet on the aircraft carrier at night in your mind! You have to fly right between the lights, and get the tail hooked!)

How can you maximize your chances of getting a response to your email?

* Be a gold member, and have a 'sexy' pic, which is going to be tasteful, but not an 'equipment' pic. (Don't forget the splash of color to draw in her eye!)

* Search at least 2-4 times a week. Sometimes, you can get a 'hit' with a new female member, who hasn't been overwhelmed with the 'dick pic' emails

* Participate in the magazine, interest groups, and blogs. Have something to say!

* Make sure your cupid settings exclude nobody! (Unless they're genuinely out, e.g. based on age or geographical distance, smoking, etc.

* Keep on writing those emails, but be sure that you've read her profile, and say something in that email to prove that you have!

* Remember that she can't see your profile, she can't see your chat handles, and she can't see your full-sized photos. Be sure that the first part of your profile contains everyting you want to say, attach it, and attach a face pic. DO NOT attach an 'equipment' photo!

* Keep in mind that the lack of response often only means that you're writing to a female standard member (and most women are standard members). So they can only reply to 10 emails a day. It isn't a reflection on you, nor on what you have to offer. Women with attractive photos get hundreds of emails every day. They can't possibly reply to them all, let alone read them all. Many times, they simply delete them wholesale, because they're tired of being the center of attention, just because they're female.

* Most women who sign up here aren't really serious. Either they did so because a friend urged them to do so, and/or because they were feeling horny some night, and/or because they were "just testing the waters." If they never return to view a box full of emails, that has no reflection at all upon the guys who wrote the emails! Such women are primarily motivated by, and driven by whims. (This may also be true of those who come back!)

* Whatever your experience, it almost certainly has nothing to do with you personally. For every 10 guys who follow all this advice, maybe 2 or 3 of them will find what they want. It's just how the ratios play out. There are many excellent men on this site who do everything right, but who get nowhere after many months, sometimes even years. (Their continued revenue is welcomed.)

* Don't rush her! After all, she has a zillion options, and gets gobs of email. Your job is to intrigue her, with your mastery of the "psychology" points that I mentioned above. It's always best to establish that initial contact, maintain it regularly, and slowwwly ratchet up the level of intensity, than it is to move too quickly! It can often take several email exchanges before the first on-line chat, hours of chatting before the first phone call (or voice conversation), and hours of voice conversations before the first coffee date. Women are inherently skittish, and paranoid - use your understanding of their psyches to your advantage, and be deliberate. Remember that old saying about in-person dating ... "If you're still talking about movies or world peace at 3AM, you're in!". (And if you don't know what I mean by that, then I suggest you think about it.)

PART V: Congratulations, Mr. "Top Gun" ... you landed the jet on the aircraft carrier at night: your first coffee date!

Okay, so you're now part of the very small percentage of men on this site who actually gets to meet a woman in person. If so, you're lucky, but you're probably also skillful! As the saying goes: "chance favors the prepared."

Here are some 'obvious' points:

* Grooming, GROOMING, and *G*R*O*O*M*I*N*G*!

Good grief, is there a woman on this planet who doesn't care about the way a man grooms himself? Get a good shave! Clip those nose hairs! If you're old enough to have hair in your ears, then do something about it! And make sure you're properly-dressed, and presentable. Etc., etc. Women spend their whole lives thinking about the tiniest details of their appearance. The least you can do, is to put in an hour!

And that applies to smell, as well. If you have any doubts, wear some cologne. Don't ask me what women like. For heaven's sakes, ask her. She'll note the fact that that you did!

* Let her know that you'll be there

It's okay to be a little late. (In fact, it might not be a bad thing to be a few minutes late, but only a few It will increase her anticipation, and might make her a little wetter than she wants to be, if you've done your job right, in other respects!

But for heaven's sakes, you should make contact with her on the day of the meeting, and reassure her that you will be there.

Women hate unreliable flakes (even flakey women do!). And if something really does come up, for heaven's sakes: she has to know ASAP. That's just good manners, right?

* Bring something!

Depending on the situation, a card and/or a rose will be just fine.

Remember, women are socialized to think "it's the thought that counts."

A man who fails to "think" on 10 occasions - but who provides a piece of expensive jewelry on 1 of them - will do worse than the guy who "thinks" on 5 of the 10 occasions, by offering some evidence of this ... even if it costs merely a pittance.

Women aren't generally interested in the amount of money, or the amount of trouble you went through. They just want to see the "thought".

* Be honest - before

Whatever your situation is, remember that women have a "6th sense" for liars. That doesn't give you license to display weakness or "baggage" ... these are still O-U-T, even if you have a coffee date. If you're not as good as you can be, she'll be able to find someone on this site who is.

But at the same time, don't brag, or overestimate your situation and/or experiences. Trust me, you'll be "busted" before you know it!

* Be honest - afterwards

For heaven's sakes, if you've found someone else, or you've changed your mind ... don't vanish! That's incredibly rude, and it will only encourage her to regard other guys with increased levels of suspicion. Both genders tend to be terrible at saying "Sorry, but I'm not interested" or "I've met someone else."

Remember: what goes around, comes around. If you can be decent under these circumstances, you might end up with an excellent friend. And this - in turn - may benefit you in ways that you can neither expect, nor imagine, at the time!

Final Version Jul 22 '05 - thanks to the reviewers!




rm_daveya28 72M
13 posts
7/15/2006 7:20 pm

That is a very apt description of what this site is like Luv_PPPL. I have been a member for 4 or 5 years now and I have found that a sense of humor, honesty with discression, and patience,patience,patience are virtues on this site that will go a long way in a male keeping his sanity here. Oh I failed to mention sensitivity taht one is a biggy too.
I have met some really nice women on this site and had some good times, not all sex. But it definitely takes patience and a lot of intestinal fortitude in between meets especially since I am married and in the worst odds group. I hope everyone can find some enjoyment here, daveya28


rm_Luv_PPPL 65M
57 posts
7/20/2006 2:18 pm

    Quoting  :

If you are looking for an unattached man for an LTR, your commendable approach isn't that unusual. (Although this particular guide was directed towards attached men, who are generally not of interest to such women.)


rm_Luv_PPPL 65M
57 posts
7/24/2006 10:03 pm

    Quoting  :

TY!!

Best of luck to you ... hope all your nightly aircraft landings go well


rm_Luv_PPPL 65M
57 posts
8/12/2006 10:24 am

Sorcha4b, thanks for your post and your compliments

I was struck by one comment: "However, an immediate offer of email, IM contact or mobile phone details raises suspicion and my hackles."

I'm a little confused: how is the guy supposed to get to know you better? Or is he supposed to simply express interest (and indicate that he's read your profile, etc.) and then wait for you to make the next move? I'm just not clear about what your expectations are for the process.

In my experience, passivity is rarely a winning strategy for a man. Usually it's the man's job to take the initiative. Not too many women will step forward and spontaneously offer or even ask for a chat handle, unless provided with one. And very few people on this site are interested in lengthy mail exchanges. (Remember that in today's society, mail is for work, chat is for play ... at least that's how I think most folks look at it. Complete sentences require thought to write - the very sort of mental effort that is once again generally out of bounds for most people in a recreational context.)

Therefore the man's best approach is to provide some option for chatting in the initial contact. He has a much better hope of finding himself buzzed in a chat program somewhere down the line (perhaps after the woman's other choices have been temporarily exhausted, or if she's bored one day), than he does of receiving a mailed response in which she takes the initiative by suggesting that they chat. For males, it's a question of playing the odds, remember: they are going to send out gobs of messages and get very few responses (if any).

Caveat: if your profile clearly indicates that you wish to get to know someone initially via mail exchanges through the site, and that your "hackles are raised" by anything else, then that's another matter.

Let me put it to you like this. As a general rule, we do live in a world in which men are entirely responsible for discerning unstated requirements - what you call "personal perceptions." This is especially true on this site. A woman can simply wait for a guy who manages to either accidentally or intuitively read between the lines. On the other hand, that will not maximize her options.

In this case, your requirement (if unstated) goes gainst the norms of what most folks would anticipate.

Therefore, you may not be helping yourself, unless you mention your protocol requirements in your profile. At that point of course, it's the man's job to comply, since you - as a female on this site - have virtually all the bargaining power.


rm_Luv_PPPL 65M
57 posts
8/14/2006 6:35 am

You get kicked out when you try to see your profile??

(Like on the home page where it says "View Profile" next to your pic.?)


rm_Luv_PPPL 65M
57 posts
8/22/2006 8:02 am

    Quoting  :

First of all that has nothing to do with this blog.

But to address your point, many men (including me) enjoy both giving and receiving. You may wish to read [group_post 219554] before you make judgements about the practice.


dfslad83 40M

10/14/2006 8:30 am

you coud piss on me anyday darlin!


yobsam20013 64M

10/26/2006 10:56 am

Well, you said sucess required time, patience and cash. Only think I have an abundance of is patience, I can sit and wait for paint to dry! As for cash, if it cost a quarter to go around the world, I would still be 30 short to get across the street!!! Time, well, I am 47 now, started when I was, damn, its been so long I forgot! Here is my point. I do appreciate the info, because basically, no one had bothered to point these things out. On AdultFriendFinder, I once looked at the odds, and I am by no means a mathematician, but when there are over 400 thousand men and 43 women, it takes a lot to even get noticed! I dont recall getting noticed til I started posting on blogs. I didn't get a meeting but I did get a friend, who agreed to meet, if I was ever in her neck of the woods. She was 800 miles away. There were others that kinda fell thru. We made contact, once and it kinda fizzeled out. Rather disappointing actually!


rm_Luv_PPPL 65M
57 posts
11/13/2006 6:56 pm

    Quoting yobsam20013:
    Well, you said sucess required time, patience and cash. Only think I have an abundance of is patience, I can sit and wait for paint to dry! As for cash, if it cost a quarter to go around the world, I would still be 30 short to get across the street!!! Time, well, I am 47 now, started when I was, damn, its been so long I forgot! Here is my point. I do appreciate the info, because basically, no one had bothered to point these things out. On AdultFriendFinder, I once looked at the odds, and I am by no means a mathematician, but when there are over 400 thousand men and 43 women, it takes a lot to even get noticed! I dont recall getting noticed til I started posting on blogs. I didn't get a meeting but I did get a friend, who agreed to meet, if I was ever in her neck of the woods. She was 800 miles away. There were others that kinda fell thru. We made contact, once and it kinda fizzeled out. Rather disappointing actually!
I'm sorry to say, but I agree with you - I think things have probably gotten even worse for males on this site since I wrote that little humdinger. That's one reason why I no longer support this site financially (although I think I've provided more than 4 figures to them in the past).

We really do have a better chance now in the "The Real World". You are also correct to observe that information and rationality are both in incredibly short supply on this site.

Oh, well. At least they restored this profile, after it was eaten by a system glitch. (Clobbered profiles are the norm on this site, and have been, for years now *sigh*. What's new is that they zap blogs and posts as a result. The CEO is aware, but evidently something is lacking in the "fix-it" dep't.)


rm_Luv_PPPL 65M
57 posts
1/9/2007 9:28 pm

    Quoting  :

Frankly, I reached the point a while ago when I decided it wasn't really worth the immense amount of effort. Although the tipping point for me ocurred when I became fed up with the fact that this site seems to run on the principle that the supply of paying customers is inexhaustible. The unnatural 10-1 male/female ratio also seems to create a similar mindset among many women on the site ... although one certainly can't argue with it as an effective business model (males, after all, tend to have more disposable money than females, and are used to working hard to get certain things).

That said, if one is desperate enough, the overwhelming odds can be beaten - as you've evidently done in the past. Thanks for your kind words, and good luck

Perhaps one of these years, I'll get back into the fray. But then again, maybe not. As an old friend of mine used to say ... "I'd rather masturbate."


shiwarrior2 46M

1/15/2007 1:42 pm

WOW!

I've just read ALL that, Thanks sooo much for taking time write all that, it says a lot of good things! and gets me thinking!

Cheers


rm_Luv_PPPL 65M
57 posts
1/19/2007 10:02 pm

    Quoting shiwarrior2:
    WOW!

    I've just read ALL that, Thanks sooo much for taking time write all that, it says a lot of good things! and gets me thinking!

    Cheers
Good for you LOL ... not too much thinking goes on around this site hehe

Thanks, and best of luck to you!


rm_Luv_PPPL 65M
57 posts
3/9/2007 12:34 am

    Quoting  :

LMAO, it's called marketing ...


Ivegotlove2shar 53M

11/29/2007 5:13 pm

The decription about how this site works for the men is 100 percent correct. I hope that all the men here can get past the insanity and get the women we want. WE deserve it, I feel.

Lawrence


rm_Luv_PPPL 65M
57 posts
12/17/2007 10:50 pm

    Quoting Ivegotlove2shar:
    The decription about how this site works for the men is 100 percent correct. I hope that all the men here can get past the insanity and get the women we want. WE deserve it, I feel.

    Lawrence
TY for your comment, Lawrence. Personally, I've given up ... I don't have the time to chase forever. When I first came to the site, it seemed that they actually wanted women to join. I'm not sure, anymore. (What woman would want to join a porn site?)

Best of luck, my friend!!


luvtolapit 72M

2/17/2008 6:16 pm

I have just red this entire posting. I have been an AdultFriendFinder member for about 10 years. A couple of those years as a Gold Member. About 3 years ago ONE time (in all those years) I actually met someone in person. We met for breakfast and she suggested we go to a park. We did and she got all hot with me in the car. She wasn't wearing any underwear, and she pulled out her tits, sucked my dick, and of course I was all over her, rubbing her ass and tits and finger fucking her. She even offered to pay for a motel so we could get together and get it on all day. After a couple of fun hours came the bad news. She was MARRIED and just wanted to cheat on her husband because he never paid her any attention. Of course this turned me off completely, and I took her back to her car and did not contact her again. In her profile she had a picture posted that was quite a few years younger than she actually was, and she also stated that she was SINGLE! I've enjoyed several threesomes with married couples who were friends, but I draw the line on cheating on someone behind their back. So my point is you CAN meet someone on this site, BUT it's a hard climb and when you reach the top you'll probably find nothing there, or anyway not as advertised. I had been thinking about re-upping my Gold Membership but after reading this posting I'm going to have to re-think it. According to this data the odds of meeting anyone, much less bedding them, are akin to winning a fortune in Vegas, or surviving multiple rounds of Russian Roulette playing with 5 loaded chambers.


rm_Luv_PPPL 65M
57 posts
2/18/2008 9:30 pm

    Quoting luvtolapit:
    I have just red this entire posting. I have been an AdultFriendFinder member for about 10 years. A couple of those years as a Gold Member. About 3 years ago ONE time (in all those years) I actually met someone in person. We met for breakfast and she suggested we go to a park. We did and she got all hot with me in the car. She wasn't wearing any underwear, and she pulled out her tits, sucked my dick, and of course I was all over her, rubbing her ass and tits and finger fucking her. She even offered to pay for a motel so we could get together and get it on all day. After a couple of fun hours came the bad news. She was MARRIED and just wanted to cheat on her husband because he never paid her any attention. Of course this turned me off completely, and I took her back to her car and did not contact her again. In her profile she had a picture posted that was quite a few years younger than she actually was, and she also stated that she was SINGLE! I've enjoyed several threesomes with married couples who were friends, but I draw the line on cheating on someone behind their back. So my point is you CAN meet someone on this site, BUT it's a hard climb and when you reach the top you'll probably find nothing there, or anyway not as advertised. I had been thinking about re-upping my Gold Membership but after reading this posting I'm going to have to re-think it. According to this data the odds of meeting anyone, much less bedding them, are akin to winning a fortune in Vegas, or surviving multiple rounds of Russian Roulette playing with 5 loaded chambers.
Wow, I'm stunned. I thought single men here were pretty much at the top of the heap. (Well, one rung below married women - to be precise.)

You say "After a couple of fun hours came the bad news. She was MARRIED and just wanted to cheat on her husband because he never paid her any attention..."

This is interesting to me, as a student of these things ... if only because it's a perfect mirror image of what a lot of single women have said! The usual complaint is that all the men are married, and/or looking for one-night stands.

I'll say it again - despite being married, I have met some nice lovers, it just took a lot of work. I always thought that life would be a lot easier if I was single.

You're making me wonder if it's just a matter of gender - pure and simple. Hmmm....


rm_Luv_PPPL 65M
57 posts
4/14/2008 7:33 pm

    Quoting  :

Not sure what you mean, but I think you're saying that I'm making the situation for males harder than it really is? You're right, tho'. The key words are enough persistence


rm_Junai2008 52M

6/17/2008 7:30 am

Hello All!
I've been on this site since the end of March 08 and I've only had one couple local to me that wanted to meet, but because they had NO photos on their profile I actually turned them down and said 'No thanks'

I do want to meet ladies/couples for just sex but I'm not compromising my own safety for anyone!

I've sent hundreds of polite non threatening mails to ladies & couples and they DON'T even have the decency to reply with a yes or 'No thanks'

Persistence costs money!!! No guarantee of rewards & that's how I think AdultFriendFinder is making a killing out of us paying men profiles!!!

When you search for profiles in your local area, they're usually looking for friends with benefits before sex.

I'm married & I've NO time for going out on dates at all, I've found a local newspaper with ads looking for no strings fun and found it many times better than AdultFriendFinder cause' I put in an advert looking for ladies and couples , and guess what!!!!! within 2 weeks I had 7 replies 4 of which were couples and 3 single ladies wanting home visits for sex!!!!!!!!!.Fantastic, that ad cost me in total £6.00!!!

So when my account runs out the end of this month, Im closing it for good and sticking with the newspaper ads.

Good luck to you ALL and I hope you find what you truly want on here cause it exploits mens money and it's the women that ARE RUNNING THIS SITE!!!
They're in TOTAL control over us men, I'm not giving AdultFriendFinder anymore of my hard earned cash.


rm_Luv_PPPL 65M
57 posts
11/14/2008 10:38 pm

    Quoting  :

Can't do anything about that, Dear ... you look great to me, and seem very sweet.

I think most men and women here are looking for nice ppl, but I can't prove it!


rm_TWELL301 69M
105 posts
3/18/2010 8:51 am

It is my exxpriance that most woman enjoy ppl and like to do it to the men as much as we like to do it to them thinking of it its hot and poerful shooting and lasts and if it is inside of her or just on her vitals her clit or butt and a mans as well and men like to watch woman just like woman like to see a man pp or urnate in the toilet this is an eye opener for most to actualy see where it comes from and it is an experiance not to be forgotten by either party.this smething I have leared this not to offend anyone but to inform.


pleasureseker96 60M
5 posts
1/31/2011 3:47 pm

SWM Multi O in Boca who can entertain, just send an e-mail and I will respond. Women Cume first in my book and second and third,look forward to meeting you


rm_TWELL301 69M
105 posts
6/1/2011 10:17 am

i am iso a woman who would like to get involved in daily sex watersports most of all it was a thrill the fiirst time and have wanted to do it again but it is hard to find a female who does not mind this as much as i like it MARRIED OR NOT THIS WILL HAVE NO BARRING ON OUR RELATIONSHIP watersports is great and am looking foward to someone to share a female that is


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